Questions To Ask To Teach Them Self-Advocacy:
It should come as no surprise that, the more a child can self-advocate for themselves during their developmental years under our care, the better they thrive outside in the real world of college and job later on. So here are a few things parents must stop doing for their children and teens, so they can build some concrete self-advocacy skills.
Ask These Questions To Your Teens Before You Help Them:
1. Is anything worth risking your safety and future?
2. How can we make our situation better?
3. Do you need any help right now?
4. Is there an alternative approach to that?
5. Do you understand how capable you are on your own?
Love Them Not Anxiously Parent Them:
One of the most important things we can learn as parents is to master our own stress and anxiety. They are asking for us to love them and not be anxious about them. If we can understand for ourselves first that there are things that we can control and can’t control, that’s a start.
We must understand that anxiety and worry comes from the sense of powerlessness we feel about the things that we can’t control and make any better. We must then learn to live with what you cannot control.
Here are three examples of how we think about situations.
1: I can help my child prepare for the exam, but in the end, can’t control how well he or she performs.
2: I can help my child with his college application, but I cannot control what the outcome will be from those colleges.
3: I can talk to my child about relationships, but I can’t control the relationship choices he or she will make.
Now we can focus on the things that we can control and learn how to effectively resolve them.
The above thoughts can be reevaluated as:
1: I’ve tried having a conversation with him, and I’ve a sense that maybe he will understand my point of view.
2: Well, in the end, my child might end up making a bad choice, but I’m there for him to support him.
3: He’s having this relationship because it’s part of his changing choices and his normal growth pattern.
Read more HERE.
Parents Need To Stop Doing These Now:
When we stop doing things for our children, we are infact empowering them to take care of themselves. Of course, we can tell them that they will be making their own choices under our watchful guidance. So, parents, if you would like to encourage self-advocacy in your children please stop doing a few things right now.
• Replace items they have lost or broken.
• Tell them it’s OK to try alcohol under their supervision.
• Help if it’s not a life and death situation.
• Invite them to adult only parties.
• Solve disciplinary issues at school for them.
• Ask teachers to give them better grades or pass them.
• Drop them off when they miss the bus.
• Give them access to unlimited amounts of cash.
• Make doctor appointments or set up play dates (for teens).
• Buy birth control and other contraceptives.
• Resolve issues with their friends or roommates.
• Manage prescriptions or money for your college student.
• Make travel plans and manage schedules for your college student.
Letting go is hard, but it is better for both the parties in the end. Parents, relax and everything is going to be ok, you have done your part.
* * *
About The Article Author:
Our mission with FutureSTRONG Academy – to grow children who respect themselves, their time and their capabilities in a world where distractions are just a click or a swipe away.
I see myself as an advocate for bringing social, emotional and character development to families, schools and communities. I never want to let this idea out of my sight – Our children are not just GPAs. I’m a Writer and a Certified Master Coach in NLP and CBT. Until 2017, I was also a Big Data Scientist. In December of 2044, I hope to win the Nobel. Namasté.
Write to me or call me. Tell me what support from me looks like.
Program Director & Essential Life Skills Coach for Kids and Busy Parents
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