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If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.
~ H.W.Longfellow, Poet
Each one of us has experienced letting go in one way or another in our lives. Whether it’s the death of a relationship that should have ended sooner, or the death of a loved one, there’s always some amount of letting go that must happen, so we can move forward.
Of course, we are talking about the true nature of allowing pain to pass, and not the kind when you have to look away as soon as you see a freshly minted dent on your brand new car.
Ok, let’s talk serious business here. We all want to deeply protect and nurture the relationships that we feel are very valuable in our life. But when those bonds are shattered or broken, we immediately latch onto the suffering of the loss of that relationship. Once where there was love and kindness, we start to experience vacuum and pain.
We let go of our freedom, and get shackled by thoughts of bitterness and questions like, “Why do I get treated like this by the people I love and care so much?” Or in the worst case, if the person has passed away, “Why did they have to leave?”
Inspite of all these questions, there is a way to regain the deep rooted wisdom that lies within us to guide us through our pain. Our collective wisdom is a product of everything around us. It is how our inner nature and how the ecosystem around us nurtures us into the individual we become.
Our deeply rooted wisdom teaches us that it is no good resisting what is happening to us because whether we like it or not, whether we acknowledge it and allow it or not, change will occur around us.
Just because we resist it or don’t acknowledge it, doesn’t mean that change is not happening around us. In fact, we will become irrelevant if we don’t quickly adapt ourselves to the changing circumstances around us.
Since we are on the topic of relationships, when we lose a loved one to illness or death, we must acknowledge where we are in our pain. We must do our best to continue the legacy we have built with them, as a tribute to their memory.
Also, once in a while, a loved one might fall off the wagon of our life’s journey. In that case, when they don’t want to be a part of our lives, the simple things we can do are ask them the reasons for the separation.
If all means of communication cease, all we can do is give them the space to move on and give ourselves back the freedom and the peace of mind that we have done everything in our capacity to win them back. With their unlimited inherent wisdom the other person must have decided to move on without us in their life.
In these cases, it is ok to forgive and forget both parties – us and them, involved.
Moreover, if we are tied to our agony of the past, or the worry about our future, we are not truly giving the benefit of our free spirit and our lively nature to those around us in the now.
It is now time to be here wherever we are. So, be here now.
That the birds of worry and care fly over your head, this you cannot change, but that they build nests in your hair, this you can prevent.
~ Chinese Proverb
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About The Article Author:
I see myself as an advocate for bringing social, emotional and character development to families, schools and communities. I never want to let this idea out of my sight – Our children are not just GPAs. I’m a Writer and a Certified Master Coach in NLP and CBT. Until 2017, I was also a Big Data Scientist. In December of 2044, I hope to win the Nobel. Namasté.
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Program Director & Essential Life Skills Coach for Kids and Busy Parents
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