Why Do Conflicts Occur:
Let us understand why we get into conflicts. With those older than us, we tend to see them as out of touch, slow and just not relevant. With those who are younger than us, we tend to see them as risk magnets, aggressive and lacking maturity.
We fight with our family because they are easily accessible to us. They are simply there, so it becomes easy to get into an argument with them over often inconsequential things. When family members question each other it’s easy to take it personally and assume a wrong accusatory intent behind their question.
The point is, most people mean well. Even absolute strangers to us don’t want to suffer unnecessarily or intentionally harm us. And this is a good assumption to have, especially since we are becoming an increasingly global world of different cultures and regions.
But, have we ever thought to look at anything or anyone without judgment, criticism and analysis. After all, nothing is as bad or as good as it looks.
Four Typical Attitudes:
Conflicts occur when one individual desires one thing while another wants something different. How well are you able to settle a dispute? It greatly depends on your attitude. Here are four different attitudes and how each one settles a dispute.
1. Aggressive: You LOSE/I WIN:
These kind of people never yield. It is not enough for them to just win, they also make sure that the other person loses.
2. Passive-Aggressive: You LOSE/I LOSE:
These kind of people give in most of the time, but find a method to undermine the other person. As long as the other person loses as well, it doesn’t really matter if they win.
3. Passive: I LOSE/You WIN.
These kind of people usually give in. They disregard what they want in order to maintain the calm.
4. Assertive: I WIN/You WIN
These kind of people compromise to get the most of what each party desires. Although they strongly advocate for themselves, they also want the other party to be happy.
5 Conflict Management Styles:
So, how do you resolve and handle disputes? What style do you use to manage conflicts? According to Thomas and Kilman, at least one of the following five tactics is frequently used to handle conflict:
The Thomas-Kilman conflict styles paradigm is depicted in this diagram. A person’s behavior can be classified along two categories in this model: assertiveness and cooperativeness. The degree to which someone makes an effort to allay their own worries is referred to as assertiveness. The degree to which one works to allay the anxieties of the other is referred to as cooperation.
How Mindfulness Helps:
The best antidote to conflict is being mindful. Instead of being consumed by the horror of diagnosis, prediction of loss and terror, why not live in the now, as things unfold in front of our eyes. Our life is much bigger than anyone of us individually, and we must learn to deal with everyone and ensure we make things work to our mutual benefit.
In the end, let us say that the situation has become beyond reaching a middle ground. Just then, try to practice this. For a little while, let the other person be right. We have not given importance to our position/stand and given priority to our peace of mind. That way, everyone wins. The other person’s ego and our peace.
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About The Article Author:
I see myself as an advocate for bringing social, emotional and character development to families, schools and communities. I never want to let this idea out of my sight – Our children are not just GPAs. I’m a Writer and a Certified Master Coach in NLP and CBT. Until 2017, I was also a Big Data Scientist. In December of 2044, I hope to win the Nobel. Namasté.
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Program Director & Essential Life Skills Coach for Kids and Busy Parents
The Skill Of People Management And Conflict Resolution
COLLABORATION - A Pillar of FutureSTRONG Academy
Our children will one day face the real world without our support. Academic development is not the only skill they will need in the real world where people skills like taking the lead, emotional intelligence and a strong moral compass will determine who will shine. So, as parents who want to raise well rounded adults, we want to give them the right tools for their personal development.
Here is COLLABORATION as described as the 6 C’s of Future STRONG.
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