Words Matter. Things To Say To Your Children And Teens To Connect With Them Deeply.

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66 Positive Things To Say: 

66 Positive Things To Say

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How To Connect With Your Child: 

Here are a few actionable tips that will help you to connect first and then impose later:

Always listen first: Begin every day with a genuine interest in listening to their voices. Be honest and open about your curiosity, but don’t listen with a problem solving agenda in mind. Reserve opinions and judgment for later.

Laugh a little: Humanize yourself. Show that you take life seriously but not yourself. Learn to laugh a little at their mistakes along with them, instead of correcting them and fixing them every chance you get. Just like them, you’re trying to find out what your purpose is in life. Tell them poverty, grief, divorces exist because we’re all human.

Make a solid connection: When children are strongly rooted with familial ties, they still might be seeking approval from their peers, but they don’t gravitate towards them for advice and modeling behavior. Tell your children, words like “I love you” and “I’m there for you” as often as you can. Ask them, “Because I have expectations from you, its only natural you’ve expectations from us. How can we better parent you?”

Acknowledge infractions: In spite of our and their best efforts, there are times when your child’s behavior doesn’t meet the standards of what you expect them to live up to. Acknowledge these infractions and teach them they are stepping stones for them to move in the right direction. Ignoring them might risk looking complicit and responding might exacerbate the situation.

Promote positive self esteem: Always remember to remind your children of their own self worth and their individual abilities. Tell them how they’ve changed your world for the better and how much they matter to you. A child who has great self worth feels capable of doing whatever they set their mind to. There’s great progress in change and growth.

Talk, talk, talk: Don’t assume that your child is not interested in what you’ve to say. Just like how they want to be heard, they also want to hear from their loved ones. Whether you like it or not, talking about safe sex practices and children’s sexuality is a good idea. Imagine the alternative. Your children get their sex ed from the internet or peers who also learn through hearsay.

About the adult content that’s available so readily on the internet now, I tell my 13 year old, that its upto him what he chooses to believe in. “Real life is boring and real people look normal.” Remember, its our duty as caregivers to plant the seeds of love, connection and hope. In the end, when they will allow these seeds to sprout is upto them.

Read more HERE.

Communication Meme

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Say This Not That: 

INSTEAD OF:
Be quiet.

TRY THIS:
Can you use a softer voice?

INSTEAD OF:
What a mess.

TRY THIS:
It looks like you had fun! How can we clean up?

INSTEAD OF:
Do you need help?

TRY THIS:
I’m here to help if you need me.

INSTEAD OF:
I explained how to do this yesterday.

TRY THIS:
Maybe I can show you another way.

INSTEAD OF:
Do I need to separate you?

TRY THIS:
Could you use a break?

INSTEAD OF:
Stop crying.

TRY THIS:
It’s okay to cry.

INSTEAD OF:
Do you have any questions?

TRY THIS:
What questions do you have?

INSTEAD OF:
You’re OK.

TRY THIS:
How are your feelings?

INSTEAD OF:
It’s not that hard.

TRY THIS:
You can do hard things.

INSTEAD OF:
We don’t talk like that.

TRY THIS:
Please use kind words.

Say This Not That

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7 Things a Child Should Hear: 

7 Things a Child Should Hear

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