If there was a definition of parents of adolescents, it might look like this. This person is highly anxious, stressed and uncertain about a lot of things involving their child.
To the mix, I would like to add an element of dread too because I often wonder if I’m doing the right thing as a parent.
How we feel as parents of adolescents:
Here are some of the feelings we harbor against our children.
- They’ve no idea how we grew up without fancy technology in our lives.
- I can’t keep up with technology and his changing lifestyle.
- They’re not grateful for the things they have.
- I wonder how they will manage their future.
- I wonder if they will turn out OK.
- Why do they keep doing stupid things and take irrational risks?
- I feel helpless and powerless.
- They don’t value us parents.
Types of parenting style:
Most parenting styles fall broadly under two categories:
Permissive and authoritative parenting. Permissive is the opposite of authoritative and demanding style of parenting. Permissive parenting is where you’re more accommodating and less controlling. You are more indulgent with your child’s every desire.
How anxiety arises:
Having high expectations of children if they’re struggling to cope results in conflict. Anxiety comes with the uncertainty of new circumstances that both parents and growing children face. Anxiety arises when both the parent and child refuse to see the other’s point of view.
As children and parents go through their own transitions, we as parents also are struggling to decide which parenting style we should adopt at any given moment. And that’s where anxiety arises from, when we find ourselves reinventing the wheels for every new problem life brings.
How parenting must evolve:
We are used to giving more guidance and protection in the early years of our children. But as they grow, they expect us to be more hands off and less rigid in our manners with them.
Having a balance of both permissive and authoritative styles is the ideal way of parenting. Give your children the guidelines and expectations to thrive while giving them the support they need with their struggles.
How adolescents thrive:
Believe it or not, having rules, expectations and boundaries to follow, makes children feel loved. If they don’t have boundaries set for them, they feel less protected and undervalued. Without rules, they begin to question if they even matter to us. Think about it, even if your child tells you they don’t like your rules, for this reason, they must be set.
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