The MBA Commencement Speech – Secrets of Your Unsuccess

Congratulations, class of 2014 Georgia Tech EMBA! Well, now that you are executively something, a quick recap of what life has been and yet to be. And since every great commencement speech in history had a name, this one does too. SECRETS OF YOUR UNSUCCESS – A satire.

*

#How it all began

Thank heavens, they found each other and not us.

*

You had classrooms with a view of hotel rooms.

 *

It’s been a balancing act. 

*

Staying till end of class meant counting seconds, literally.

*

TECH taught you the mantra for success.

*

You were this super busy grad at Home.

*

But out in the public, you unleashed your inner tiger. 

*

You played with big numbers. 37% cost savings, 50 million in increased revenue, 25% ROI.

*

Until that complimentary WSJ subscription runs out ….

*

Now, that’s a kicker. Your failure is yours, your success is all ours.

*

#Cultural Education’s part of the Deal

You saw PEOPLE – Made in China.

*

You wonder what’s their strategy to keep spreading? 

*

A few of you retained your trusty sidekicks in case of multicultural communication problems. 

*

You tried to blend in at Korean BBQ places and Karaoke nights.

*

#Learnt a few Life Lessons

After one wash, those suits fit atleast someone in the family. 

*

That “SINGLE” problem you had before you enrolled is still there.

*

You were this, 20 pounds lighter, before the computer desk claimed you. 

*

You learnt when it’s time to quit trying HARD. 

*

Life is short.

*

You embrace America’s religious fundamentalism fervently.

*

#At and after Commencement

This is you during the momentary ceasefire between end of the last class and re-beginning of real life. 

*

At the commencement while taking pictures, you look different to yourself. 

*

This kegger can have life changing impacts. #FurBus

*

#Embarking on the Job Hunt

Truck drivers are paid well and have a height advantage when it comes to scouring the landscape. #CareerRefocus

*

Killing time can be a job because it was never a problem to begin with. 

*

Invest in a flash bulb and a cell phone camera and you can be a class act, maybe even the next Anne Hathaway. 

*

Bernanke might offer his job including the MELTDOWN.  

*

#Time for a Reality Check

Friday nights are going to be different when you have no team work.

*

Your life is going to be SO UNFAIR, it is not fair for the rest of us.

*

You will have severe withdrawal symptoms having no deadlines anymore. #Aftermath

Moral: The slow learners get eaten.